Friday, 19 September 2014

A post where I talk like a pirate that finds London really expensive


Well, ayeterday I went t' London for work. This isn't a regular occurrence (I don't normally live or work in London, and it's about 4 hours away on t' train) so it made a nice change, albeit bein' a long day. I was thar for a couple o' meetin's/events, which included an evenin' seminar which was held in a room o' a bar (this sounds like "I went drinkin'" which isn't t' case, thar was some really good presentations, but it was in a bar, hence t' rest o' t' story)

So, I got thar a little early. I be always paranoid about bein' late anywhere, and it be not unusual for me t' be anythin' up t' 30 minutes early, just in case I get delayed, for example by traffic, or simply by gettin' lost - which happens far too often t' be believable.

I got t' t' place about twenty minutes before t' seminar was due t' start, and didn't immediately see anyone that I knew. Decidin' that I had obviously arrived before t' organisers, I decided t' order a pint t' occupy me until they showed up.

"A pint o' Peroni, please" I told t' chap behind t' bar, who went t' t' far end o' t' bar t' use t' pump thar. Now Peroni glasses be relatively thin and long compared t' a traditional pint glass, and when he started fillin' two glasses I couldn't quite tell whether he was pourin' two pints, or two half-pints - maybe he was out o' pint glasses, I mused.

It turned out that he had misheard me and poured me two full pints, I'm not entirely aye how t' word "A" could be understood as "Two" but then again I do have a Yorkshire accent which could have made me hard t' understand. I decided that I would probably get through two pints in t' course o' t' evenin', and rather than cause a fuss I would just pay for t' two, which came t' a total o' £7 (about $11).

I gave t' barman a £20 note (for US readers that's around $32), and bein' an upmarket type o' place he put me change on a little dish, and sat it down in fore o' me. "Thanks" I said, pickin' t' change up. T' barman looked surprised. "Oh," he said, "Did you want your change?" A small part o' me wishes that I had released t' rant swellin' within me, which went somethin' like this:

Aye, thank you, I would like me change, I don't expect t' spend £20 on two pints o' grog, and I particularly don't expect t' give someone who was slow t' serve me (when I was t' only person at t' bar) and got me order wrong a 285% tip!!

In justification o' t' barman t' bar was starboard in t' middle o' London's financial sector and I could quite imagine that they will have people go in thar with oodles o' doubloons who wouldn't blink an eyelid at spendin' several thousand pounds in a night.

That, however, be not me.

You may be wonderin' why this blog post be in Pirate-speak. Well, today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Do head over t' t' website at t' see what's goin' on, and make aye t' take part too! I must admit that I have been lazy and not written all o' this text meself in Pirate-language, I have used a handy translator courtesy o' Trevor Sehrer, which can be found at

Shiver me timbers!

If you want to hear about other times I was in London and paid over the odds for beer (plus was told that my name is Brian) check out my Adventures in London post!

1 comment:

  1. The scurvy dog, anyway. Ye shoulda ran him through. Sorry, I know it is too late for pirate talk, but I couldn't help myself, we need a couple of days!


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