Sunday, 26 October 2014

The Nursing Home

I'll start this post off by saying that I apologise if it is not up to my usual mediocre standards, however British Summer Time ended last night, which meant that a huge amount of people got an extra hour in bed today, whilst another grouping of people (which happens to include me) has a small child that has no concept of British Summer Time and woke up at ten past four expecting CBeebies, jam-covered toast and a glass of smoothie.

Long-term readers may remember these posts about taking my gran shopping and having lunch with her in Waitrose, however things have moved on.  Several months back she had a couple of falls and eventually it was agreed that the best thing for her was to go into a nursing home.

Ever a creature of habit, my gran has wasted no time in settling in a new routine, as follows:

  1. In the morning she wakes up and gets a bowl of sweetened porridge for breakfast.  She doesn't like sweetened porridge but because she doesn't like to complain about it (and I suspect that she's the only person in the home that wants it unsweetened) she has it sweetened.
  2. After that she'll be got out of bed, dressed, and sat in her chair.  Here she stays for the morning, talking to her room mate, until lunchtime.
  3. Lunch typically consists of three courses - soup, of which she has one spoon full and then leaves it on the side, a main course which she devours, and a pudding, which she waits for her roommate to eat hers and then gets the roommate to swap the plates.
  4. After lunch she'll be put into her nightgown and returned to bed, as her back is playing up.
  5. And at teatime, again she will eat the main course and then swap the pudding plates with her roommate to allow her to again get two portions.

That's not to say that there isn't excitement.  There was the time when my gran slipped out of her chair, and ended up sitting on the floor.  When the staff came to see what had happened, and asked her "What are you doing?", she responded, not unreasonably with "Nothing - I'm just sitting on the floor!"

I generally visit her once a week, bringing a number of the following items:

  • Walnut whips - she doesn't actually eat these, but when I visit we share them - that is, I eat the chocolate with the whip inside, and she has the walnut.  I recall the time that she asked me what nut was on top of a walnut whip.  I told her to think about what she'd asked me.
  • Marshmallows - these are for her roommate.  When the coast is clear and no staff are around, my gran wraps up half a dozen marshmallows in a piece of tissue and beckons her roommate over to take them.
  • Toffees and assorted bags of sweets - similarly to the marshmallows, these are actually for the roommate, and will be mixed with wild abandon to give the roommate a selection of treats.
  • Cartons of apple juice - these aren't needed very often, as it's rare that my gran actually drinks one, but she does like to keep a supply of twenty or so handy in her wardrobe.

Today she was telling me that there is no difference between men and women, except that men have a thingy.  And, apparently, it's a good job that they have a thingy, because otherwise they wouldn't be able to wee.

I can't finish the post without reminding all about the run up to #HOTDRINKDAY on Sunday the 2nd of November.  If you're a tea fan, you're in the right place, because The Blog of Thog is the home of all tea drinkers - read my announcement here.  If, on the other hand, you're a coffee aficionado, well Mr Clark at Life, Explained is there for you, and you can read his announcement here.  We need all you social media folk to be prepared next Sunday to put forward your views - what drink do you prefer?

And don't forget to vote!


  1. Mike, you are a good person, and I am glad we have become friends, even if it is only through google +. Next time you visit your Grandmother, tell her hello for me.

  2. Your grandmother is very lucky to have you. And so is her roommate!


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