Saturday, 20 December 2014

3 days to an asteroid impact - time to tweet!

The European Space Agency has been busy this year.  Not content with managing to land a fridge on a comet, they've now worked out that about three days before an asteroid hits the Earth, they would have worked out where it's going to hit.

Armed with this information however, what would you do?

Well, today we're here to provide you with a foolproof guide to help you.

Should a huge asteroid be predicted to hit the Earth in the next three days, DON'T PANIC.

Firstly, travel to your nearest supermarket and buy emergency phone chargers - you know the sort, the ones which are some sort of external battery pack for your phone.  These are absolutely critical because you will get no end of opportunities to tweet exciting news in the next few days, e.g.:

This guy doesn't even realise the difference between an asteroid and a comet.

Next, this is absolutely the time to start up your own YouTube channel.  Everyone in the world is going to want to hear just what is happening where you live.  You don't need to worry about the quality of your videos, everyone will be desperate to find out any information there is about the asteroid.  Make sure you make up information to include in your videos so ensure that people watch them.  Perhaps, from the precise angle that you're viewing the asteroid from, it looks like Angelina Jolie's left ankle?

Finally, and most importantly, you have to bear in mind your own protection.  This is a time to look after yourself.

We're talking skincare.

We have no idea what kind of radiation that bad boy is going to emit on its way down into the atmosphere, so it's definitely time for a good quality barrier cream, maybe even some of that ultra-thick Norwegian formula stuff.  Essentials include rubber gloves, a hat with a wide brim, and make sure that you only use pH balanced soap.

We hope that this has been useful for you, and remember... don't have nightmares.

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