Monday, 29 June 2015

Guest Post - Black It Was!

Today's guest post from my dad regales us of the time he cooked something.  To be fair he does a lot of cooking, and barely on a weekly basis does something ignite.

I burn stuff too - like this chopping board.



A ‘black’ black mind you, indeed picture a ‘black’ black if you will, jet black a-smothered in soot and hidden deep in the bowels of a mine in the middle of a dark moonless, starless night, with the lights out, blackout curtains fitted as standard, doors locked and bolted as viewed by a blind person wearing sunglasses.

The frying pan t’was that sort of black – and the lid of the frying pan was of similar ilk!

I was alerted to the erm ‘issue at hand’ by the smoke and stench of burningness in the kitchen.

Being of sound mind and realising that impending doom was all but upon me in the shape of my wife Christine, I asked her to open the front door to let some air in and closed the kitchen door with me inside and scurried the flaming frying pan outside using a thick towel for insulation.

Note to knee-jerk smart arses everywhere – none of whom are present - I am quite certain, No, the correct thing to do was NOT call the fire brigade, or place a wet towel over the pan of fire.

There was barely 2 gm of oil in the pan – NOT 12 gallons of furiously combusting oil threatening to burn the house down!

Outside the birds sang and early morning sounds wafted gently around, and the over-warm frying pan complete with decorative flames was deposited on my log pile, which I hasten to add had been furiously rained on only the previous day, and was therefore most unlikely to also burst into flames and burn the rest of the estate to the ground.

Hot on my heels of course was Chrissy, hastening to erm, watch furiously over a situation already well under control and exacerbate any undeveloped hysteria, running up and down and associated frenzy.

Yes, the house needed fresh air to chase the smell away, otherwise things were alright.

Oh yes, the pan needed a good cleaning afterwards.




This message is brought to you by ‘Note to Self, Health and Safety Initiative inc.’

Erm, okay, I forgot to turn the hot plate off, it’s easily done.

Feel free to check out my parents mail order business selling all kinds of weird and wonderful magical goodies at


  1. I cook like that sometimes, though, my new specialty is melting the spatulas, and ladles. It is kind of a specialty, almost like artwork. If I could talk my wife into buying them in different colors I could really get creative.

  2. From bitter experience I have learned to always have a lid to put on any pan with oil. In any case I NEVER deep fry any more. Best case scenario obesity, worst case scenario dead.


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