Sunday, 6 November 2016

Dealing with spam email

I've been getting spam email recently from people that I've apparently agreed to buy things from. For a long time, I've simply ignored or deleted these emails, but today I decided it was worth making use of these, so I've sent off some replies.


Email from Jumadelto:
Subject: African mount


The African mount you are intrested un purchasing is going for 200.00 without delivery

Sent from my LG G Vista 2, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone

My reply:


I could never do business with someone using an LG G Vista 2.

Regards, Mike


Email from Mahe M Avinashi Gounder:
Subject: Close5. Womens shoe.

Hi Micheal. Got ur msg in close5. U said u interested in buying the item. Winter shoe. Women. Size small. When shall we meet.

My reply:

Firstly Mahe, mispelling my first name REALLY annoys me. Now, to business.

Is it a left shoe or a right shoe? I am purchasing on behalf of a female pirate, and she requires a left shoe. If it is a right shoe then we really are wasting each others time.

Assuming it is a left shoe, please meet me and my client at Port Royal in Jamaica on the seventeenth day of November, she assures me that she will be "bringing home the booty, shiver me timbers" to port on that date. We may have to be on the lookout for Customs Officers.

Regards, Michael


Email from Eddie:
Subject: TV Stand

When do you want to pickup the tv stand?

Sent from my iPhone

My reply:


I was really rather hoping for delivery, this being the Internet and all. How much is it for me to subscribe to Eddie Prime?

Best wishes, Mike


Email from Christine vargas (with an email address starting "tina"):
Subject: Bread Box

I will sell it off on sunday so email then early I wake up at 7am

My reply:

Christine (I don't accept the name Tina as a shortening of Christine),

It is currently 7.17am on Sunday. I assume that you've already been up and about for 17 minutes whoring your bread box all over the internet, and as a result I've missed the boat. I wish you all the best in your future endeavours.

Regards, Mike


And the one that I've had a reply to...

Email from alfredo valadez:
Subject: 49ers jersey

Hello I do have the jersey still. I stay in the eastlake area chula vista.

My reply:

Ah Alfredo, I was really after a 48ers? Any chance you can remove 1?

Cheers, Mike

Alfredo's reply:

What ???

I feel bad for Alfredo.

In other news, we are rapidly coming up to the end of the Robin Hood's Bay Roadtrip crowdfunding campaign - currently we have 3 amazing sponsors, Diane Lynn of the Gratitude Letters, Denkai Designs, and deano_1 - for just £1 (which, for non-UK readers, the current exchange rates makes cheaper than ever!) you can join that list, be promoted, and most importantly, fund the purchase of alcohol. Check out the campaign now at


  1. Hey, don't forget the lamp you ordered from me, Mik, when do you want to pick it up?

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