Sunday, 28 October 2018

My Day



I've been challenged to write one of these "My Day" posts, which have been doing the rounds.  Typically it's about a hipster-type who spends their day exercising, meditating, squeezing fresh orange juice from cows and doing something odd like having a curried Orangina to keep their energy levels up.

So, here we go.

3am: I wake up and think about the inevitable approach of death. Or biscuits. Biscuits are more likely, really. If I choose to glance at the bedroom door there is every chance that my son is stood there looking at me, and if I make any sign that I am awake he will jump on me. It's a great chance to practice my stealthiness.

3.10am: I fall asleep again.

5am: I wake up by being poked in the eye by a small child. I find this rapidly brings me to complete wakefulness far quicker than the stereotypical "waking up naturally", saving me precious time.

5.10am: I spend the next hour catching up with the world by going on fifteen different social media channels on my phone, one after another. On none of them do I have any notifications.

6.10am: I sit down at my computer for a session of creative writing.

6.25am: I realise that I've spent fifteen minutes looking at a blank Word document whilst playing Words With Friends on my phone. I mean to say that I've been sharpening my English language skills.

6.30am: I ruminate on what food to put in my packed lunch. I find packed lunches far healthier than whatever you can buy, and really gives you chance to include energy boosters like organic fruit, chia seeds, and quinoa.

6.35am: I've packed leftover pizza and a dodgy looking banana.

7.45am: Time to get those vocal chords into action! There's nothing like a good vocal warm up by screaming "GET DRESSED! SOCKS! SHOES!" over and over. I don't worry about the volume because I'm never heard over my sons tablet anyway.

8.30am: At work, full of energy and raring to go.

8.32am: My energy levels are dropping, so I get a vitality boosting bacon and egg sandwich.  I add tomato sauce to help towards my five a day.

10.00am: Someone fetches me a scone.  I always make sure to get a sweet scone (never savory) like dark chocolate and cherry. At this rate I've virtually had all the fruit and vegetables I need for the day.

12.00pm: Time for lunch, and to give my lunch an exciting twist, I grab some extra steps by walking to the chip shop.  Always make sure to add "chip spice" to your chips, the paprika comes with amazing health benefits, such as aiding sleep.

1.00pm: I'm really tired. Time to boost my energy levels with coffee.

1.10pm: More coffee.

1.20pm: More coffee?

1.30pm: EVERYTHING IS FANTASTIC AND AMAZING AND I'M GETTING SO MUCH WORK DONE ITS UNREAL I THINK I'LL HAVE A COFFEE.

5.30pm: Work is over and I spend the drive home unloading my mind whilst eating a Crunchie.

6.20pm: Dinner is served.  I always look for a healthy option such as grilled chicken and rice. Except for Tuesdays because that's when we have pizza.  Whilst eating dinner I watch some Downton Abbey to unwind.

6.25pm: Fall asleep in front of the TV.

7.30pm: Wake up. Rewind the DVD.

8.00pm: On an evening, when the brain is naturally less creative, I relax with a walk.

8.10pm: Funnily enough, whilst on my walk, I appear to find myself stood outside a pub. I do feel that it's so important to support local enterprises.
11.33pm: skweuimcal;c

11.55pm: KEBabs r 'mazing gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

12:40pm: Howw do u work the lock in teh front dorr?????? Askin 4 frend. xc

I hope that the above is of use to you, I am available for the delivery of seminars and workshops at a very reasonable rate on the topic of how to change your life. Not necessarily for the better, that's why my rate is so reasonable :)

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